Helena’s Story of Surrender   –   Written February 26, 2026
Have you ever come to the end of yourself? When at your wits’ end you start acting against your conviction and everything you have stood for. When you don’t budge or negotiate your values, yet are shocked to find yourself in a place of surrender, and then you question yourself, “How did I get here?” Alas, let it happen, whatever will happen.

Helena’s heart had surrendered, and when she hurried into the conference room, I thought her stomach was aching, or that it was the usual women’s end-of-the-month crisis.
So, I followed after her seconds later, only to find her sitting on the floor, overwhelmed with emotion and tears in her eyes. Confused, I asked, what is bothering you, Helena?

What I saw when she turned to look at me made me feel guilty. And I had never felt as guilty as I did when Helena tearfully looked at me. Is this what a cry of desire feels like? Her energy and the look on her face projected a weight of longing at me, as I experienced in a moment, her pain and fear of not having me to herself.
Her eyes were screaming aloud, “I want you, David.”

I felt guilty for many things. One was for showing concern from the start. But Helena was just being a woman who desired to feel the love of a man. My character seemed to be one she had not expected to encounter. “You are perfect for me,” was what she had earlier said. And yet I thought she was just complimenting my character.
No! She was speaking a language I hadn’t fully understood, until I saw her tears. And running down her cheeks, she was saying many things to me with a closed mouth. I understood now.

But you will have to forgive me, Helena; it is not within my power to choose you. I understand your desire to have me, but this will hurt us, and many others. These were my words to her, although not word for word.
What is it about me that is making you do this? I began to wonder.

Why does this have to end on the path of romantic love? Can’t I just love you as a brother? What did I do to make you want me this much? Please, find a way not to love me in the way you cannot have. Or maybe I should just stop being honest and affectionate with the creature called woman, I thought.
Because I had never seen a woman desire a man the way Helena did.
She asked me a question, what do you want, David? Tell me, and I will do it. I will study whatever I need to. Give me time to learn. She had seen my eloquence and esteemed me to be very knowledgeable.

But how much do I even know? I still have a lot to learn, I thought!
Yet she examined herself in comparison and concluded that she was not a match in intellect. As a result, she wanted to know my demands for her mental development and fulfill them so I’d accept her.
I was struck with amazement at the length she was willing to go in self-development, in hopes of being with me. That willingness alone was beautiful to me and made me have more respect for Helena.

So, from standing in the hallway at the premises, and not wanting anyone else to see her cry, except me, she went into the conference room from where the group had dismissed minutes ago.
And while I had explained to her why “together” was not possible, my words never sunk in. How do I calm this boiling water now? Before I knew it, we were in the middle of a hug that wasn’t ordinary.        

My goodness! Anyone who entered the room in that moment would have felt the weight of passion in the air, like a scent too strong. I prayed no one would enter.
And when the longer than usual hug was not ending, my body literally began to react to it. How do I break away from this embrace before someone walks in and misinterprets, I thought? She didn’t want to let go.
Many words came out of my mouth to make her understand, such words as:
“Truly, I wish I had the power to be with you – but I don’t. And God did not give me the ability to replicate myself into human copies so I could give you a replica of me – I’m just one man. You know too well that I am deeply concerned for your family and love you as family. But not in the way that can be called man and wife.
I am your big brother, and I won’t stop loving you within that boundary.

Perhaps if you were not married, it would have been a different story. Just believe in the future, and wait for the season of marital frustrations to pass. Because I can assure you that the season of your bliss is on the way. Indeed, the season of Helena’s bliss has come, at this time of writing what happened between us. Imagine the guilt she’d have had to live with if she had not waited, undefiled by another man’s touch.

I was her greatest test – And she had to pass. Helena was one of the most fervent, spiritual, and faithful lovers of Christ that I know, but my character challenged her faith, and brought her to the point of surrender. Each one will come to that junction of choice, where you must choose self-denial, and accept death by denying your appetite for what is wrong. That is how to die to the flesh so you can live above sin.

Helena isn’t the only one who was tested. I, too, was tested and pushed to the limit.… to be continued…